A Fixer Upper…Wait what? Forget it, just get a new one.

Recently I came across a post on Instagram related to love and relationships. To paraphrase the content posted, it read something along the lines of: “2019, relationships are horrible and so is dating. Everyone lies, everyone cheats and everyone plays games. There is no trust or sense of exclusiveness.”

Before joining this individual on his opinionated statement, I’m going to play devil’s advocate for a short while. After reading his post, we can maybe assume this person most likely grew up with a positive image of relationships that he/she witnessed from his parents, close relatives or friends. This positive image must have looked like something along the lines of – Mom and dad were always happy, never argued and if they did, it ended in a romantic outing. Uncle Bob and Aunty Jen were always cracking jokes and laughing at every family event and it was all glorious fun. Best friend James and his girlfriend Jackie gave him/her hope that one day a relationship of their caliber would be possible. Every movie he/she watched portrayed the perfect relationship from a smooth bumpy ride to a forever happy ending tale.

Well, I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news but that’s all slightly fake. See I said “slightly fake”. In my opinion, I believe a majority of relationships are all a front. A front in the sense of Mom and Dad seem happy, but really behind closed doors, they are miserable and are trying their best to stay glued. Uncle Bob and Aunty Jen, maybe genuinely be happy, but they also just went through a crazy rough patch where Aunty Jen had to verbally abused Uncle Bob to hopefully get things on track due to the fact that Uncle Bob got caught going to the gentleman’s club. To avoid further bloodshed, Uncle Bob had to compromise. Best friend James and his girlfriend Jackie are new to the game. James most likely lied to Jackie about certain things while Jackie, well Jackie is a “pure” at heart which makes her totally vulnerable.  

You get the canvas I’m trying to paint? Relationships were never perfect. Divorce has always been a thing. Dating was never perfect. In my eyes, dating is probably the worst thing ever invented, but that’s a topic for another time. Since the beginning of mankind, relationships have been a huge rollercoaster of disappointment. People back then got married either for property, politics, culture and yes for some it’s because they truly loved each other and through patience and commitment they made it work. However; the lying, cheating has always been and will always be a staple in human relationships. (And no, I’m not advocating that you do those things, but expect to deal with them when in the presence of a sinner)

Now, enough of playing devil’s advocate and let us dig deeper into the canvas in order to join in the idea of why relationships in 2019 are horrible. The phrases: Trying their best to stay glued, having to compromise, being patient and staying committed, have been the key to a long lasting relationships. And unfortunately, for a good majority, those keys have been tossed out the door to never return. Who needs to try their best to stay glued to a person when you can just easily walk away and block them on all social media accounts forever without resolve? Who needs to compromise when we can both still get what we want even though it stands in the way of a true unionize and harmonious relationship? Who needs to stay patient and committed when we can just, once again leave and easily swipe for the next best thing? He’s not perfect, well time to move on. She’s not perfect, well where’s the next girl at?

As human beings, we need to understand that we are all fixer uppers. We are imperfect individuals hoping to maneuver through a relationship where it takes a lifetime to mold and build.

But who needs all that when we can just pretend to be perfect for the moment and toss out the challenging times when they come knocking at our door steps. Who wants to be a fixer upper when we can just be an “upper” through every short mocked-up relationship?

With that said, I leave you with this – Take your eyes away from this screen. Look around you. If you don’t like what you see, then change it. Do not allow them to break your spiritual core as it is the only spark that will set you free!

I get it, you’re lonely. But what are you doing about it?

Let’s get straight to it. If you’re reading this, most likely you saw the title and immediately came to the conclusion this article was written on your behalf. Congratulations! Your conclusion was spot on.

Now it’s my turn to play the guessing game. I’m going to assume you’re horizontally resting somewhere with your phone or laptop at hand which is providing the only luminescent light in your room. You’re halfway through the week and you fill as if something is missing. A part of you is seeking something new while the other part of you wants to just continue to wallow in sorrow. So, you hop on the internet to look for answers. Am I right? (I have tingling sense that I’m 50% right. Sorry to disappoint, I’m not a magician.) Either way, we can both agree that you’re lonely. But what are you doing about it?

Stay with me here. If you’re a millennial, recent studies have proven that our generation is the loneliest generation of them all. Mind blowing right! We have almost everything at our disposal – Phones, TV, social media, video games, fast food, fast relationships, an endless stream of information and the list goes on and on. You want something, click, you got it. You don’t like something, click, and block it away forever. Yet, we are categorize as the loneliest. Why is that?

Now before I make my case, obviously, there are many factors that can lead someone down a lonely road but I wanted to highlight the three most prominent ones I’ve noticed within the confines of my daily life and interactions with others. Hopefully your battle lies somewhere between the three and hope this read provides you with a boost to your moral to make the changes necessary.

Alright, here’s answer number one and it’s quite short actually. You! You are your worst enemy. Before you resume reading, deeply and meaningfully ponder over this and you’ll know exactly what I’m referring to.

Answer number two: I’ve come to believe that we the lack of empathy and genuine human interaction might be the leading cause to this astronomical problem. You and I and many alike are so caught up in our own affairs, and worrying about our own happiness or lack of that we neglect to genuinely connect with people. When we have conversations with others, we are so pre-occupied in our own headspace that we forget why we’re even conversing in the first place. To connect! So in turn, the conversation most likely becomes a chore and we go home and wallow in self-pity. We lock ourselves away and say: “Oh man, she/he doesn’t understand me. She’s/he’s so weird. Why can’t I be understood?” or “Is something wrong with me? Why am I so weird?” Stop it! You’re only doing yourself more harm.

Answer number three: I’ve also come to the conclusion that many individuals who say they are lonely are possibly hanging out with the wrong people. Okay, I can see the confusing expression on your face. No I’m not contradicting myself. Being empathetic and building genuine human interaction is key to your happiness, however; if you’re hanging out with the wrong people constantly and still feel lonely than you’re just beating a dead horse. And if those people around you, “friends, best friends” are only interested in the short and cheap thrills of life and you continue go home and repeatedly wallow in self-pity than it’s time for you to find yourself new groups of friends. Friends that you can have genuine conversations with. Friends that you can be productive with. There lies your way out of loneliness.

Trust me, I understand. It’s harder said than done. But as you know, the first step is always the toughest one. Take that first step. Get out of your own way, build within you empathy, genuinely connect with people and find yourself a new circle if that’s what you desire. Once you take action, you will notice progress. Stop wallowing in your self-pity and allow yourself to evolve. Do something about it!

With that said, I leave you with this – Take your eyes away from this screen. Look around you. If you don’t like what you see, then change it. Do not allow them to break your spiritual core as it is the only spark that will set you free!

School? What For.

Now, before you go off running and screaming – “Ah boy. Here we go again. Another no lifer trying to lead people astray with their bullshit uneducated opinion.”, sit tight, take a deep a breath, clear your mind and read on.

The debate surrounding the true purpose of school (or the education system, whatever you call it) has been boiling hot for the past few years. Some have been very vocal about the detriment school can have on the mental and spiritual growth of kids, while others see it strictly as a factory farm. The urge to want to join in on the “school is useless” train has been and honestly still is quite strong in me. I see it and hear it everywhere I go now – On the internet, television, work and amongst friends. It’s almost impossible to escape really. But it’s true, why aren’t you getting on the train? – You’re asking. Well, here’s your answer. It’s not that I don’t want get on, I rather just walk. It gives me time to clear my head and really think before presenting my case. I went to school (elementary, middle, high and college) for the majority of my life. The routine of having to wake up at 5:00 AM and sitting in a squared cubicle for 180 days was quite gruesome at times. But it was and still is deemed necessary for the development of not just the individual but to our “society” as a whole. To a certain degree, I can understand the meaning behind this.

School has its values. To some, it provides a sense of belonging, helps develop social skills and may even bring inspiration. The basic knowledge of math and science that we are thought in school provides others the stepping stone to possibly innovate, create and engineer things such as vehicles, buildings, food..ect. Math and science are very real. Whether we choose to believe in it or not, it is everywhere we go and in everything we do. But, (sorry but not sorry, I have to say this) that’s as far as I’ll defend it.

What about all the other aspects of life that are missing from the curriculum. As famous YouTuber Spiritual So puts it: “Self-improvement, spirituality, financial literacy and coping mechanisms are nowhere to be found in school systems.” And he’s absolutely right. The most important subjects that are crucial to our growth as human beings are astonishingly absent from school. For approximately ten years, we are told what to learn and how to learn it. We are instructed to take in and regurgitate information that are either outdated or just blatantly false. Then at the age of 18, without clear guidance and completely spoon-fed, we are told (advised) to go off to college to later be pressured into picking a major that we may or may not want to practice for the rest of our lives.

Go along with this example; you’re still here? Alright good. If 100 teenagers (because that’s really what they are) head off to college, 90 have no clue who they are as a person, let alone know what major to pick. Unsure of themselves and without guidance, they are forced to make an impossible choice. The abundance of possibly meaningless information they were thought in grade school can’t even aid them on their quest. Once you’re in college, not truly knowing yourself can be a huge crutch. Which means that you have a lot of soul searching and evolving to do. What you thought you originally wanted to practice turned out to be completely false.

But, the price for evolving is astronomically high. What are your options? Either you close both eyes and choose to further entrench yourself in debt in search of your true calling or you stick with something that will most likely make you miserable and depress for the rest of your life. (Maybe not the rest of your life if you’re blessed enough to change path later in life.) Then you graduate, and voila, you stare at the world as it greets you with a humongous middle finger. Shaken by the inhospitable greeting, you look back on all your school years and realize that it was nothing but just one big expensive life lesson.

Is it worth it? I don’t know, you tell me. I’m just on the side taking a slow and long walk as I watch the train go by.

With that said, I leave you with this – Take your eyes away from this screen. Look around you. If you don’t like what you see, then change it. Do not allow them to break your spiritual core as it is the only spark that will set you free!

Playing with your life because I can

Step into my office. While you’re at it, close the door behind you and do not look back. Grab a seat as I playfully juggle your fragile life. Here’s your life sentence delicately and technically written on this contract. You only have three days to make up your mind.

            Three days?

Yes, three days. You can’t contact anyone about this matter other than us.

            Not even my parents?

Yes, you can contact your parents but that’s the extent of your freedom. I can sense rebellion in your blood. It flows in your veins with an indescribable itch. It’s futile really if you try to resist. You call anyone else aside from your parents and they’ll treat you with silence. Do you want to know why? Because we willed it into existence. There’s nothing we can’t do. We have ultimate power over you. Now take your life sentence with you and I will see you in three days.

Day 1 – The phone’s ringing. One call after another – Voicemail!

Day 2 – The phone’s ringing. One call after another – Voicemail!

Day 3 – Signs life sentence.

Step into my office. While you’re at it, close the door behind you and never look back. Grab a seat as I place your fragile life inside my self-made prison box. Glad to have you on board. Truly, we’re delighted.

Day 4 – The phone rings. One call after another – “Apologies for not picking up your call, we were strictly instructed to not contact you. Hope you understand.”

_________________________________________

Is the picture clear enough? What you just read is my elaborate attempt to paint you a vivid picture of the heart wrenching experience a friend of mine had to recently endure. As a contractor, his contract was valid for another six months. For egotistic reasons by the company or (sorry) inclusiveness, he almost fell victim to the so called – Affirmative Action. His contract was abruptly cut short and was offered to join the company as a full time employee with a three day response time. That sounds amazing to me! That’s plenty time. – You’re thinking at the moment. Well, here’s the catch. You ready? I hope you are, because when I heard it myself, the scenario sounded like it came out of a movie. But sadly, that’s not the case. This is very real. Grateful yet still open to other options, he goes hunting for maybe a better opportunity elsewhere. The same contracting companies who had called him on numerous occasion about such opportunities refused to return his calls. Left without any alternatives, he accepts the offer at a company he believed he had no future in. Once he accepted the offer, his phone began to ring. Who could it be? Well, here’s your answer – The contracting firms. One after another, they forwarded their sincere apologies for not picking up the phone since they were ordered not to by the company who had offered my friend the full time position. Such a shitty and abhorrent ultimatum! Either you accept this offer or good luck being homeless in one of the most expensive city in the Divided States of America. (Oops) I meant, the United States of America, I swear. Desperately trying to portray an image of inclusivity, the company had effortlessly and repugnantly cornered him into submission.

Obey or be left to starve like the rest of the sheep.

With that said, I leave you with this – Take your eyes away from this screen. Look around you. If you don’t like what you see, then change it. Do not allow them to break your spiritual core as it is the only spark that will set you free!